How to Boost Confidence and Self Esteem

Self esteem. Where does it come from? How is it built? Why do people have varying degrees of it? It’s a mysterious thing which impacts our ability to socialise, set healthy boundaries, and has a huge impact on our emotional wellbeing.

Benefits of Having High Self Esteem

First, let’s talk about the benefits of having high self-esteem. Individuals with high self-esteem enjoy a positive body image and experience reduced self-doubt. They are more likely to go after what they want in life, setting ambitious targets and persisting in the face of challenges. High self-esteem allows us to take criticism constructively, recognising areas in our lives that need development without feeling inadequate. Those with high self-esteem can look at themselves objectively and not take negative feedback to heart because they hold a strong belief in themselves. They embrace a personal growth mindset and a willingness to learn, continuously evolving and developing.

Additionally, high self-esteem enables individuals to express their thoughts and assert themselves in a healthy manner. When you value your own thoughts, you can grow and maintain healthy personal relationships. People naturally gravitate towards those who have a strong belief in themselves and a positive outlook on life. These individuals radiate positivity, often becoming contagious and uplifting to be around.

The Downsides of Having Low Self Esteem

However, there is a downside to having low self-esteem. If you know someone with low self-esteem, you may notice that they constantly seek validation and reassurance from others. Insecure attachments can emerge, leading to difficulties in maintaining healthy and fulfilling connections. They may even turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or self-harm, reinforcing their negative self-perception.

Low self-esteem can cause individuals to focus intensely on their perceived flaws, blinding them from recognising their own strengths and accomplishments. When people fixate on their shortcomings, they may struggle to take on new challenges due to a lack of self-belief. This lack of confidence can extend into both work life and personal relationships.

Personal Experience

When I was in school, there was a girl I had a crush on in my class. I was so scared to talk to her because I didn’t know what to say, and I was worried I would look stupid. Some friends of mine eventually told her that I liked her, and she responded, “Well, why doesn’t he talk to me?”

I wanted to approach her, but I felt paralysed. The longer I waited, the harder it became to break the ice. I had built up this image of her as some sort of magical unicorn. I was in her class for an entire year and only mustered the courage to ask her for a pencil sharpener from across the table.

However, things changed when I got into high school. I started playing guitar in the school band, participating in sports, and attending social events on the weekends. I noticed that the more challenging situations I put myself in, whether socially, on the sports field, or performing with my band, the more my confidence rose. I felt more deserving of the things I really wanted out of life. Being that shy kid in school, I hadn’t experienced enough yet to earn that confidence.

The more challenges you go through and overcome in life, the higher your confidence becomes, enabling you to tackle other tasks and raising your self-esteem. Stepping out of my comfort zone made me stronger. Now, the idea of approaching a stranger is second nature because I know I have faced much more difficult things.

It’s important to remember that low self-esteem does not have to be permanent. There are strategies and resources available to help improve it. However, building self-esteem is a process that requires deliberate and consistent effort. It takes work to build and is easy to destroy. It won’t be an overnight transformation but rather a lifelong commitment. And that’s the fun part!

Why Do Some People Develop Low Esteem?

So why do some people develop low self-esteem? Perfectionism is often the enemy of progress. Setting ridiculously high standards and striving for perfection in all areas of life sets you up for guaranteed failure. Failure is a necessary aspect of achieving your goals, but experiencing constant failure and rejection can lead to a negative self-image and lowered confidence.

Early childhood experiences play a crucial role in a person’s self-esteem. Constant criticism, physical or emotional abuse within the home, can deeply impact someone’s self-worth before they even have a chance to start life. It’s essential that we communicate with young people using words of encouragement to foster healthy self-esteem.

Social media has also contributed to increased self-criticism. Through smartphones and social media apps, we are constantly flooded with highlight reels of other people’s achievements, looks, and social status. Naturally, we compare ourselves to these often unrealistic standards, which contributes to feelings of inadequacy.

The way you speak to yourself is a self-fulfilling prophecy. As James Allen Watts wrote in “As a Man Thinketh,” “A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.” If you have an inner voice that constantly puts yourself down or is harshly judgmental, it will create a persistent cycle of low self-esteem.

Humans are social creatures, and if we don’t feel accepted, validated, or supported by our tribe, it can deeply affect our sense of self-worth. Negative messages received from friends can reinforce feelings of inadequacy.

How to Build Self Esteem

Now, let’s discuss how to build self-esteem. Whether you’re starting from a place of low self-esteem or simply looking to self-improve, the first step is accepting where you are today. Understand that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and your flaws and imperfections are part of being human.

Embark on a self-improvement journey. Recognise the areas where you can improve and embrace challenges and failures as part of the learning process. With continued effort and practice, you will get better.

Replace negative self-talk with empowering statements. Whenever you find yourself being overly harsh, replace those thoughts with positive affirmations. Repeat these affirmations regularly to reinforce them. Focus on your achievements, strengths, and accomplishments.

Celebrate your milestones and give yourself credit for your efforts. Reflect on the strengths and challenges you have overcome along the way.

Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is vital. Make sure you fuel your body with healthy foods, engage in regular exercise, get enough rest and fresh air, and participate in activities that refresh and rejuvenate you.

In our culture of working 80-hour weeks, self-care is often frowned upon. However, it is crucial for maintaining mental well-being. Treat your body like you would a strength training routine. Take time off to fully rest and rejuvenate yourself to get the most out of your body.

Lastly, if you are struggling, remember that it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Consider seeking assistance from a counsellor or therapist. They can provide a safe space to address any underlying issues and support you on your journey to improved self-esteem.

Thanks for reading,

– Sam Horton